Entering the Next Chapter

Going through a divorce is a painful experience in itself. There are also hidden barbs that prick and tear open your heart. They are things that a person would not consider to be something that would cause pain. Strung together they make an emotional barbwire.  One barb that tends to get me is pronouns. After being married for my entire adult life, I tend to use the term "we" instead of "I". I am so used to being part of a unit that my pronouns automatically became plural... and now that I am no longer part of a couple, I struggle to remember the correct pronoun. Each time it catches me off guard, I freeze, correct myself, then the barb catches. This is especially the case in the context of speaking about my girls.  My daughter, Elizabeth, was supposed to have an eye appointment this week. It would give information on what "we" should do to help her vision. The "we" caught me off guard. I have been separated since October, and yet I still str

The next two weeks are going to be especially painful for me. I am preparing my heart ahead and have been forcing myself to dig into scripture. I say forcing myself because the last few years I have been so thirsty for the word so much so that reading and praying were easy. With these trials, though, I have found myself pushing away from God. Reading Gods word and praying bring pain to my flesh and heart because I am angry with God. So I am forcing myself to do what is right and obey, even if my flesh cries out.  One year ago today, I was driving to Colorado with my girls. It was stressful and overwhelming but I was excited to enter a new chapter of my life. I could feel my heart break as we got further and further from my friends and family.  One year ago today, the thought of my hubby brought a smile to my face instead of tears to my eyes. Even after 14 years my heart still fluttered. He was my best friend and my love. I felt like what we had was unbreakable, but I was blissfully