Entering the Next Chapter

The Marriage of Mr. & Mrs. Jordan August 25, 2004 - July 15, 2019 On July 15, 2019, the Jordan marriage, one that brought forth three amazing children, died at the age of almost 15 years.  The relationship was born in July 2003. After a short period of dating the Jordans (then Buchanan and Jordan) progressed to an engagement. The engagement lasted one year to the day when vows were said in front of a very small group. Just three and a half months after the wedding day, the Jordans welcomed their first daughter Abbie. The marriage had many bumps, as many marriages tend to have in general. Having been a young marriage, the marriage seemed pretty stable overall thanks be to God. The Jordans welcomed their second daughter Eb almost seven years into the marriage and then two years later welcomed their third and final daughter, Charlie.  The Jordans loved watching BBC shows together. They enjoyed cooking and entertaining friends and family. They loved using humor to make it throug

Going through a divorce is a painful experience in itself. There are also hidden barbs that prick and tear open your heart. They are things that a person would not consider to be something that would cause pain. Strung together they make an emotional barbwire.  One barb that tends to get me is pronouns. After being married for my entire adult life, I tend to use the term "we" instead of "I". I am so used to being part of a unit that my pronouns automatically became plural... and now that I am no longer part of a couple, I struggle to remember the correct pronoun. Each time it catches me off guard, I freeze, correct myself, then the barb catches. This is especially the case in the context of speaking about my girls.  My daughter, Elizabeth, was supposed to have an eye appointment this week. It would give information on what "we" should do to help her vision. The "we" caught me off guard. I have been separated since October, and yet I still str

In the past I thought being a good Christian meant wearing a mask. Projecting an image of happiness and wholeness to all those around me. I thought the mask would help others to see Jesus through me. It would keep my brokenness from becoming a distraction to others. I would wear this mask that I created and when the mask would slip, I would become overcome with guilt for failing as a Christian. Through the last several years, I have found that sometimes people can see God most shining through the cracks of my brokenness. I was doing God no favors by being artificial. God wanted to use my brokenness. He wanted to heal my brokenness. He wanted to love me in my brokenness. As a society we have things that are stigmatized. Things that go unspoken for fear of rejection and judgement. Sadly, this is not much more different in our Christian walk.There are some subjects that are uncomfortable and can make us feel vulnerable. Top Three Things Christians Hide: (Some of these overlap) 1.

Let me start by saying that this post is only for those who want or think that they might want it to work. If you have decided in your heart that you are done and that your marriage is not worth fighting for anymore than you will not find much support through what I write. I do not judge you because there were times that I had been there, but I do encourage you to leave just a little room for the possibility and to seek counseling. The fact is even if you do get a divorce you will continue to carry the baggage of a torn marriage around with you until you have resolved it and begun processing it. Again, if you choose to get a divorce I wish you all the best in your life but this post is not meant for you.  When making a marriage work you can start by thinking of it as a war for your marriage instead of a fight. What do I mean about that? There are going to be battles, some that you win and some that you lose, but you can't just surrender at the the defeats. When you start a war yo

So many Christian's face the times when the fire in our hearts begins to die down and the overwhelming feelings of emptiness and sadness  begins to grow. We begin to drown in the mundane. As a wife and a mother, I often struggle with this. I am constantly trying to keep up with the cooking, cleaning, diaper changing, laundry, and the budget. It feels like a never ending cycle of stress and constant disappointment. The days melt together and the hours pass by slowly. I begin to feel robotic and even though there are no major things I am completing I am constantly and completely emotionally and physically drained. So often we can get distracted by everyday things such as work, family, and financial stressors. We lose a piece of the fire we once had that burned so bright for God and we sacrifice our time with God but save time for mind numbing activities, such as watching junk on television.  I remember being first saved. I remember the feeling of being unstoppable with God on my si

I have several things that turn me off. But the two biggest ones would have to be my daughters. There is nothing like the fear that strikes when you hear little foot steps coming down the hallway or the guilt you feel upon hearing little cries for your attention while doing "laundry" (as my friend calls it).  What are your biggest turn-offs? 

Of all the romantic comedies I have seen, Barefoot in the Park, is the one movie that connects so much with me. I love the writing, the acting, and the scenes. More than those, I love the characters.  Corrie and Paul Bratter are newly weds. Corrie is an eccentric, free spirited, dramatic, all or nothing girl. She loves to walk barefoot in the park, loves to experience new people and things, and loves to be wildly in love. Paul is a logical, sarcastic, organized, uptight,  and motivated guy. They have a quick engagement and fall deeply in love. When they get married they don't know what it really means to be married. They have a need for each other that they can't understand, but haven't learned to respect each other or to fight for their love. At the first sign of trouble, when their differences loose appeal and become an issue, they give up.  I remembering watching the movie years ago, when things were not going well in our marriage and I wanted to give up, and

So today's writing prompt included a challenge to do a vlog, a video blog.  The question was " How long have you been married, and which years were the best and hardest?" This Prompt was sponsored by:

As a woman I think one of the most difficult things to deal with is not a particular situation, but rather the lack of control in a situation. There is a small comfort in having control over things in my life. There is a false sense of stability.  Things I like to have control over: My children, my household, my finances, my friendships, my vehicle, and my spouse. I have this irrational fear. I fear that once I lose control of one thing, everything else will fall apart. I often wonder if God allows certain things to happen in order to show me that He is in control.  This may seem a little off subject but hang in with me and you will quickly see where I am going with this.  I opened up the church bulletin and a disappointment set in. I saw that the sermon was focused on a woman's responsibilities in marriage. It may sound bad but to be honest, I didn't want to be convicted. I didn't want for anyone, including God to correct what I am currently doing as a spouse. What s

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years? This one is kinda tough for me. I am not sure how into it I will go. My life has never gone the way I thought it would. This is not a bad thing, it is actually quite the opposite. For example, I am going to flip this around. 15 yrs ago I was 12. I remember feeling so proud to be a "preteen" and thinking I was so grown. I was sure that I would be a massage therapist. I wanted to also be a singer to raise money for my Special Education class. I had thought that I would be living back in Ohio.  This was before I began having my chronic pains through out my body. 10 years ago I was 17. I had thought that I would have gone far away to college. I wanted to be a sign interpreter for a Christian school. I loved kids but had no direct interest in having any. I also didn't want any man to tell me what to do or to hold me down.  This was before I met my now hubby and just two year prior to becoming pregnant. 

What are your 5 greatest accomplishments? 1. Giving birth to Abbie. It was a long and difficult labor taking 46.5 hours. It was all worth it. She is one thing that brings me great joy. She is constantly pushing me to be my best.  2. Turning my life to Jesus. Deciding to give Him control over my life, my bi-polar, my guilt from the affair, and my pain. He never disappoints, I wish the same was true for me not disappointing. 3. Reconciling and regrowing our marriage. We were married as immature, confused, and self indulgent youth. We have been growing into more mature, godly, self controlled adults. We still have a long way to go but it all started with reconciling.  4. Giving birth to Elizabeth. We waited a long time for her but after six years we got to meet her. Looking back, it was all God's amazing timing.  5. Learning how to share my scars. Mainly because I am able to grow closer to God and boast in Him. He has been so good to me. Also, to help others. God has plans f

Our current state of society is based on "If...Then"s. For example, if my boss gives me a raise, then I will work harder. If my landlord fixes the leak, then I will pay my rent. If my I lose weight, then I will feel better about myself.  As Christians, we are supposed to be Christ-ones. The facts are if God had chosen to give us the the punishment we deserve, then I would end up in Hell. If Jesus only loved the "religious" people, then I would have never known God's grace and provision. BUT He didn't. God sent us a sacrifice to cover our sins. God loves the unloveable. Jesus died for those who hated Him. The fact is as a Christ-one we should do all things to glorify, including the way we treat and react to others. We are to honor our commitments.  We should seek God for our fulfillment.  Matthew 5:37 " All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’;  anything beyond this comes from the evil one." 1 Corinthians 10:31 " So whether you eat o