Entering the Next Chapter

As I walk through the hallway something catches my eye. I step back to see what it is. The reflection in the mirror is one that I find some familiarity in but do not recognize as my own. The image looking back at me brings tears to my eyes. Who is this? When did I become this?  What Others See What I see I know that I am overweight, but why is my view so distorted? Why is what I see not what is actually there? I feel like I am in a funhouse. When speaking to a friend, I realized how common this is. I think it is just more of the devil's lies. How can I expect anyone else to love me and see me as I am if I am not able to? I find that the only way to combat the lies is with truth. The truth:  1. I don't think that other women that are overweight are ugly. Why am I more harsh on myself? There should be some accountability but I can not have unrealistic and unfair expectations.  2. It is a distortion. A lie. I am overweight but I am not what I see in the mirror. 

When I look into the mirror I don't recognize myself. I see this person who has glimpses of me but at the same time is not in the same body as I remember. At some points I try to avoid them, for fear of breaking down in tears. As distorted as it is, I don't imagine myself as a fat person. I feel trapped in my body.  I am an emotional eater. I am sitting here filled with anxiety over what I am about to post, and trying to resist the large bag of  Cheetos that is calling to me. Though I know it is wrong, I am one of those people who eat to numb the pain.  When I was speaking to a friend of mine, the other day, we were discussing anticipatory anxiety (where you become anxious at the thought of whatever might cause anxiety. One of my counselors told me that the best way to face it is head on.  So here I go.... (heart beat races... breathing becomes rapid... sweat begins to accumulate on forehead.) I had seen a news article on a very different blog.  The Belly Project  is wh