Entering the Next Chapter

This morning my husband asked me if I had ever been to a "black funeral". At first, I was confused by the question. I began to quietly ponder on what might be different between funerals I had been to before with my family and a funeral with his family.  A week ago my husband had lost a beloved cousin, Glenn Strong, to violence. The news was shocking and devastating. I saw my news feed fill up with the outcry of his family and friends. Part of me thinks the violence aspect caused even more pain and confusion than other situations. As the week progressed, I watched as my strong loving husband went from shock to brokenness masked only by keeping busy. Even in the midst of everything he remained strong and steadfast for his girls. My heart ached in empathy for him and his family and I felt completely helpless and unable to comfort. The only thing I could do was to follow his lead and stand by him to support and love him.  So this morning we were planning the events of the day

So todays Vlog challenge was to talk about one of my favorite songs and to show my best lip syncing skills. I was thinking of all the songs I love. I felt a little nervous about the lip syncing. Then I began to think about my cousin Amanda. We used to go on road trips together or just hang out listening to music and singing. We LOVED our boy bands... especially N'Sync. So in honor of her today I decided to lip sync to N'Sync's Drive Myself Crazy. I need to go through my stuff because I know I have pictures of us in our Grandpa's van with our headphones on and lip syncing to N'Sync.  I have a close bond to all of my cousins but Amanda has been a sort of little sister to me. I love you Amanda.  What is your favorite song to lip sync to? What song do you have good memories from? 

Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now. When i was a child my whole family dynamic was so different from now. I was extremely close to my dad. I hated my mom. I followed my brothers around and wanted to hang out with their friends.  Now, my mom is one of my best friends. My dad and I are close but we are in that phase where he is going from just my dad to being more of a friend. I also barely see or speak to my brothers even though we all live within twenty minutes of each other.  If speaking about my husband we are very much our roles as we were in childhood. He was the oldest son and I was the baby girl. Sometimes he will act like the older brother by not letting me play the video game and trying to do it for me. Then I will fall into my little sister personality and get mad. I will get very competative and when all else fails I will threaten to tell one of the moms. It happens so fast and so naturally that when we realize that we are acting

Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood. The splintered wooden tablet: She sat in the chair to the right of the television. Her strong spirit in a frail body. She called me over to her. I would sit by her side and watch her play solitaire on the coarse wood board embroidered with splinters. Her deck of cards sat beside her on the table until she wanted to play their worn faces. I would sit and play with her translucent skin. Moving it about, back and forth over her veins, using a finger. My Great Grandma would smile and then reciprocate by looking at my young flexible skin. Her dark black hair lay neatly on the top of her head. As the years passed so went her memory, but her ageless beauty stood strong.  The Orange Crackers: When he, my Uncle Jerry, would show up at my Grandpa's home I knew that he had a hidden surprise awaiting me in the shirt pocket of his cotton collared shirt. He would smile as he pulled out three packs of orange crackers. They were the cheese c

I notice the fog creeping up on the front window. I continued to replay the argument in my mind. At the first sound of my ring tone I jumped. Would he really have the balls to call me  right  instead of just stepping out the door? At the second ring I decided to look at the phone. It was him. He was one of my best friends. As I spoke on the phone he reassured me. He told me everything I wanted to hear but none of what I needed to hear. He told me that I deserved better. He told me that I am smart and beautiful. He told me that he could understand me and felt closer to me than anyone ever before and I felt the same about him. Those were all words that I had longed to hear for so long. What first was only the best intentions soon turned into something dangerous. Things at home went from bad to worse. I was extremely lonely.  My marriage was explosive.  A huge fight left us in shambles. I told my husband that I wanted out. I went to find comfort in my friend. When I was with him I no lo

I walked into the room filled with joy and excitement. I sat down on the bed next to my love and I saw it. My heart immediately stopped. I could feel my chest tighten and my eyes were flushed with salty tears of pain, anger, and disappointment. When my heart began to beat again I could feel it sink into my stomach. Even though the image was only on the screen for a second before he was able to close it, it felt like minutes. I was able to have an entire dialog with myself as the thoughts flowed from my soul, but I wasn't able to get the lump in my throat up enough to push out the words I so wanted to say. I took a very focused breath and asked what I needed to ask. He seemed extremely defensive in his assurances that it was only a pop-up from a blog.  God must have given me His peace, because I only asked to see the blog that it pops up on. Upon viewing the blog several times there was no pop-up. I had asked to see his history in as much of a calm and nonjudgemental fashion I cou

What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced? There have been many difficult times in my life. My struggle with Bipolar, teen pregnancy, health issues, and friends betrayal. The most difficult though would have to be the separation from my husband.  ***To clarify ahead of time so nobody will be concerned, the things I am going to discuss have been resolved. We have had a healthy marriage for almost six years now. This passage, also, is not to bash my husband but to show what God has done in our lives since and to show what a drastic change both of us have made. I love my husband very dearly and could not be more proud of him, though I do complain from time to time.***  2007 was a year that was stained with my sins past and my husbands addiction. The anger from my prior infidelity had boiled up over the years and began to fester in his heart. At first he was just a little controlling. I would be asked where I was going and what I was doing. Slowly it turned into a state of

List  5 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could. 1. Lose the weight now... You may think that you are obese but you are only slightly overweight. It would be a lot easier to lose the weight now then to try to when you are obese.  2. The fibromyalgia pain is not going to go away... Don't feel defeated, but also don't let the pain stop you from doing thing. I know you want it to just mysteriously go away but it wont. It may sound weird but you will grow to appreciate it when you see that it pulls you closer to God and creates character.  3. Be more active in school activities... I know you think it is cool to be one of the "weird" ones and to rebel against the system but you will regret not doing any activities with your free time.  4. You are not stupid... The reason you have are having problems reading is not because you are stupid. Your reading level is definitely not where it should be, with help at Sylvan, things with be so much better. Do