Entering the Next Chapter

Describe your relationship with your parents: Oh how the tides have changed. When I was a little girl I had a bizarre relationship with my parents. I saw my dad as my prince charming and my mom was the evil witch that was trying to steal him from me.  Every week my daddy would take me on a date, the majority of times it was to see Beauty and the Beast. He would teach me how to be a princess and what to expect of my future prince. We were in a Daddy-and-Me club called Indian Princesses. When my dad started working more hours, we didn't have much time to go on our little dates. I thought it was a plot from my mom to keep me from spending time with him. When they would go on a date I would get angry. My mom once asked me how she looked and I told her that she needed to cover up. At one point I even told her, "If daddy met me first he would have married me." I had so much anger and jealousy towards her. Looking back it seems so strange and I completely see her side.  My

Describe 3 legitimate fears and explain why you fear them.. 1. I just realized today that I have a fear of my husband losing his job. In the last year my husband has shown up at home early twice unannounced. Each time I was hit in the gut with a terrible feeling. Just upon seeing his face after he opened the door, I knew that he had lost his job. I felt so overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious. I feared not being able to pay the bills or provide for the girls. His new job has him coming home at random times when they are not busy. When he walks in the door my heart and thoughts start racing. I know in my head that God is in control and that he has and will provide for us, but my flesh pulls me into a place of fear.  2. Depression, anxiety, manic depression, and other mental illnesses run strong in my family as well as my husbands family. Since my oldest daughter is so much like me, I fear her possible struggle with mental illness. I remember the feeling of being in the deepest darkest

Our current state of society is based on "If...Then"s. For example, if my boss gives me a raise, then I will work harder. If my landlord fixes the leak, then I will pay my rent. If my I lose weight, then I will feel better about myself.  As Christians, we are supposed to be Christ-ones. The facts are if God had chosen to give us the the punishment we deserve, then I would end up in Hell. If Jesus only loved the "religious" people, then I would have never known God's grace and provision. BUT He didn't. God sent us a sacrifice to cover our sins. God loves the unloveable. Jesus died for those who hated Him. The fact is as a Christ-one we should do all things to glorify, including the way we treat and react to others. We are to honor our commitments.  We should seek God for our fulfillment.  Matthew 5:37 " All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’;  anything beyond this comes from the evil one." 1 Corinthians 10:31 " So whether you eat o

My blogging  friend  posted a blog where she is doing a 30 day blog challenge. I decided to try it out.  1. List  10 random facts about yourself. 2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears. 3. Describe your relationship with your parents. 4. List  10  5 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could. 5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now? 6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced? 7. What is your dream job, and why? 8. What are 5 passions you have? 9. List  10  3 people who have influenced you and describe how. 10. Describe your most embarrasing moment. 11. Describe  10  5 pet peeves you have. 12. Describe a typical day in your current life. 13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have. 14. Describe 5 strengths you have. 15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why? 16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments? 17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at? 1

Why does it feel so good to be bad and yet so blah to be good?  I was remembering the feelings I had when I was first dating and engaged to my now hubby. There was such a spark, such an excitement, and such a pure magnetism.  We had a whirlwind romance. We were engaged after just twelve days of dating. When I met him I wanted to spend every waking moment talking to him and kissing him. I could feel my heart flutter and my cheeks become warm from the blood rushing to them. When he looked at me I felt like the sexiest woman alive. Just a glance would make me smile ear to ear.  Our love was a rebellious love. My parents thought that I had fallen too fast and too soon. Other family members disowned me.  We were told by teachers that it wouldn't last. There is something about rebelling that creates an excitement. It made me feel alive and strong. My adrenaline would rush when I would go to see him.  I studied him. I felt like a sponge and would long to learn more about h

As my husband sets down the phone my anxieties rise. I know what he is about to say and I know that there is not much time, or is there? My heart starts pounding and I start to contemplate all that needs to be done. Then he says it, "My dad is coming over and will be here in 30 mins to and hour." Ugh, the In-laws.  Let me explain myself. My husbands parents are divorced and have been since he was a little boy. His father was remarried and now has five more children. His mother has three boys with his father and one after the divorce. I love my In-laws very much and enjoy spending time with them, the only part I don't like is the In-law part. I feel this enormous pressure to please and impress my In-laws. The pressure isn't assisted any by my husbands distance from them. He isn't as close with his parents as I am with mine or as I would like him to be. I so want them to feel welcome and at home with me and in my home. My husband really doesn't understand this

When responding to an open question on Cafemom about choosing to adopt outside of your race one woman wrote: "No way!!!! sorry but i do not believe in inter racial anything. i was brought up that way and will bring my kids up that way. i think it is disgusting to mix races and unnatural. stick to your own kind, race and traditions. birds of a feather flock together... everyone discriminates in one form or the other it is human nature, survival of the fittest, classical conditioning." This comment, along with many others on this post, broke my heart. I am not sure why I sometime am shocked at how things of this world are not pure and good. The idea that someone disagrees with me or finds my life choices to be "disgusting" and "unnatural" doesn't bother me quite as much as knowing that Abbie, Eb, and other beautiful biracial kids have to deal with it. Why is it that some adults are even meaner than children?  It also saddens me that the person

Tonight for some reason I was feeling down. I was feeling so low that I just wanted to lay in bed and not talk to anyone. I wanted to have a pity party for one and wanted to let depression take control instead of having self-control. It took everything in my being to not lay down and wallow. I decided to go on a jog. Now this might surprise those of you who know me, especially my friend Christine who goes walking at the mall with me occasionally,  and know that I hate jogging, I hate outside, I hate the heat, I am overweight, and I have asthma. I said to myself, "If you want to punish yourself I will punish you in a way that will do some good." I went to put on my shoes even though I, in my flesh, just wanted to just sit down. I pressed on.  I asked Alvin for his headphones so that through worship and prayer, I could draw on God's strength on my walk. I put Eb in the stroller and told Alvin that I was going to walk until I wanted to give up.  When I took the first ste

When speaking to a beautiful young lady who is pregnant I began to reflect on how it felt to be in a very similar position.  At any age there can be so many overwhelming feelings when discovering that you are expecting a child. There a feelings of excitement, feelings of concern, feelings of inadequacy, and feelings of fear. These feelings combined with hormones can be a crazy. There is so much to accomplish and get organized when you find out that you have to make space in your life for one more person.  It is something completely different when you are young and when you are not married. Even the way that society looks at you is completely different. If found that people were so sweet to me when I just had Eb as a 26yr old married female. People were open, loving, and supportive; but when I was pregnant with Abbie many people were either rude or disconnected from me. It can feel very lonely and confusing.  When I was on my spring break my senior year, I noticed that my lower ba

I have a couple hobbies that I really enjoy and I think it is time to start working on my hobbies again. Two of my main hobbies are making duct tape purses/ wallets and making designed diapers.  I will have to go through the entire process some time but most of it I do by eye. For making the duct tape purses I make squares that are duct taped on both sides. I then cut out the basic design of the outer purse.  I used a pink cloth that is laminated on the one side to make a stretchier inside that would wipe clean after a makeup spill. I tried to put a snap on it to help close it but it didn't stay with the glue. I am putting it on with a magnetic one next time. I use one bold background color  because it is cheaper. The ones that are more colorful or have more of a design cost more and you get less per roll. Another one of my more recent hobbies is making cloth diapers. I am not sure if I would continue that or if I wanted to make blankets or other things. I like sewin

Some women, such as my mom, handle parenting with such grace and such confidence.  I feel like they have a handbook and mine just got lost in the mail.  I am sure they have times where they feel at a complete loss of what to do, but their game faces are so convincing that it makes me feel like less of a mother when I am red in the face and pulling my hair out. I don't always agree with the way they parent but am amazed at how they make it look soo easy. I know for fact that they don't always agree with my parenting.  The type of parent I am....  I don't spare the rod... I completely believe in spanking (we call them whoopings b/c that is the term my husband uses). I do have rules for spanking though. I don't spank when I am angry or emotionally involved, because for me that makes the difference between discipline and punishing. There are several times I see kids in public being completely disrespectful and disobedient and I just imagine how I would have applied the

Ecclesiastes 11:5  “As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”  As the piano keys play softly my soul is uplifted. A song plays that reminds me of the victory of God. My heart is lifted up to the Lord in thanksgiving. Any faith that was not there I sing louder as to bring it forth from the inner recesses of my doubt-full mind. "Jesus has overcome and the grave is overwhelmed. The victory is won, He is risen from the dead." I feel a slight sadness for not trusting my problems to God, when I know how good He is.  But the sadness is sort lived. "And I will rise when He calls my name. No more sorrow, no more pain. I will rise on eagles wings. Before my God fall on my knees and rise. I will rise." How true. I can only rise by humbling myself and falling at the feet of God. Just as the woman with the alabaster jar fell to the feet of Jesus so must I fall to