Entering the Next Chapter

I remember the days that my daughter would return from school with little notes to all of the parents. The reminder was that we should be spending at least 15 minutes a night reading to our child. While many mothers saw this as a kind honorable reminder I saw it as a personal attack for a few reasons. The first reason was that I already knew the importance of reading to my child. I see the signs, hear the PSAs, and am even reminded by doctors and teachers. This was not a new concept to me. The second reason was because the note made it seem like they were saying, "it's only fifteen minutes of your day, isn't your child worth it?" It wasn't only  fifteen minutes a day, to me it was FIFTEEN MINUTES a day. The final reason was because the picture of a mother happily and lovingly looking over her child's shoulder as he sat quietly and peacefully in her lap was in no way my reality. So today I thought I would put a new spin on things and tell you why I hate to

Warning: This is me getting on my soap box. As always I do not expect anyone who does not share my beliefs to follow my beliefs. I also do not apologize for honestly giving my thoughts and beliefs, but am more than happy to hear your views from you... so please share in the comments section.  Today my girls and I went to visit my parents church which is lead by Pastor Sharp. What he brought up was the way we conform to the world instead of rejecting the views of it. I think that often we end up conforming to the world's views through slowly compromising, most often through a process we call "Political Correctness".  This is a picture of the Grand Canyon. What amazes me is that they think the shape of the canyon is caused by wind and water (the river). It is said that a constant drip of water can shape and wear down a stone or rock. This reminds me of American Christians. We are built on such a strong foundation. We are built on the rock but through allowing just

Dear God,  I know that I usually end my letters with a note to you, but today I wanted to start with your letter because it is all I can think about. You are just so cool. I am always in awe of just how great and loving you are. Thank you. Thank you for blessing me with an amazing husband. Thank you for blessing me with two beautiful loving daughters. Thank you for this beautiful day. Thank you for answering my prayers little and big. Thank you for always comforting me and not letting me stay lost in my little world of stress and self-pity. Thank you for opening my eyes to all that you have done, are doing, and are about to do. Thank you for giving me an avenue that I can communicate my thoughts and feelings. Thank you for all the provisions you have made for me. Mostly, thank you for not giving up on me. There were so many times that I give up on myself and yet you were always right beside me.  Dear Elizabeth,  I think it is adorable that you are so loving towards other bab

Dear Friday, Where did you come from? I guess it must have been Halloween that threw me off. Although it doesn't feel like a weekend... I am sure glad that you are here. Dear Manager Who is Interviewing Me At Noon, You make me nervous. I get that anxious and inadequate feeling when thinking about how the interview will go. I don't know why I am nervous. I am more than qualified and if I don't get the job I would honestly be ok with that. So, today I have decided to not allow you to scare me. The God in me is bigger than the job there, I will have to trust Him to provide. Dear Girls, I will miss you this weekend. I don't know how long it has been since I have been child free for a whole weekend... Anyway, I love you both and will be missing you.  BTW... I really don't mind if you get sugar highs at Grandma's house, so feel free to take all your candy with you... better her than me, better her than me. Dear Ibuprofen, Please work. Dear Kitchen, Tod

So often we label ourselves as certain things and with certain thing. These labels can be good and they can be bad, it all depends what we do with the label once we stamp ourselves with it.  Flash back to eight years ago: "I have Bipolar." The words stung. I had been fearing saying the words out loud with the fear that once I put them out into the air they would become real. Once they I said it I felt the immediate need to try and grab them and pull them back. Take back what was beginning to unravel me. I felt my confidence in my identity begin to be stripped away. I was exposed and no longer was able to hide behind the my walls of humor, false happiness, and confidence. I had been hearing my doctors and my parents saying it for days but I hadn't been able to mutter the very same words. They seemed to be an object that I could not understand or grasp, a hologram in my midst. I would now have to go through the process of finding out what it truly meant to me, to soci

Dear Friday, Thank you for bringing the Fall weather with you. Thank you for bringing pay day with you. Thank you for bringing my hubby with you. Dear Minty Gum, Thank you for keeping me from cramming handfuls of chips and popcorn in my mouth. You have saved me from so many calories and on top of that you make my breath minty fresh. I think I will keep you close by for a while. Dear School Year, I am so glad that we have finished first quarter and I still have my sanity... well at least most of it. Dear Girls, Thank you for being so well behaved and sweet. You are the best daughters in the world... not to mention the cutest... I might be a little biased though. :) Dear Hubby, I have missed you so much when you work nights, but I am glad that we get to have a date tomorrow and next week. Also, thank you for knowing me so well... and for watching the girls for me tonight. Dear Erika, I am so excited to go to see Les Miserables with you tonight. I am super excited. I

It isn't very often that my husband becomes concerned about me, but recently he was asking me about my blogging. I told him I haven't written anything in a while and he was concerned. It is not like me to not want to communicate, write, and process things openly. He has been telling me that I need to write a blog post and has even been trying to give me ideas, which slightly annoyed and confused me since he doesn't even read my writings.  I have battled depression and anxiety since I was in high school. One of my first signs of slipping into it is when I become withdrawn... isolated.. and tired. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel depressed, but I do know that these are warning signs. The best way I have controlled my anxiety and depression is by being proactive. When I feel like isolating, I make myself get out. When I feel like sleeping all the time, I make myself wake up on a schedule. Things like this, along with recognizing my warning signs have made a huge diff

Laying in bed I had the weight of my guilt, my inadequacies, my frustration, my disappointment, and my sadness sitting on my chest and making it difficult to breathe. The outward expression of my emotions resulted in a physical pain. What I was feeling was the darkness of defeat.  A few weeks ago, the financial strain in our home was overwhelming. Due to being a slow season, my husband's job had cut him down to ten hours a week. We knew that it wouldn't cover the bills and agreed that my husband had to look for another job. He found a full time night position that is located a little further away. I was nervous about him being gone every night and was worried that I wouldn't be able to keep the girls quiet during the day when he was sleeping. Due to his other job only needing him a couple hours a day he said he would keep both jobs. Before he even began his first day his day job became very busy and needs him to work not only full time, but a little overtime. He is taking

Dear Friday,  Today feels like a lazy day. I can't believe you are already here and with you, you bring the end of August.  Dear Hubby,  I am so thankful that you are stepping up and getting a second job. I will miss the time we get together and fear that we will be passing ships in the night. I love you.  Dear Financial Struggles,  I don't think that you will ever go away, but at least you could back off a little bit. I am trying to give you to God but often find myself picking you back up, along with the anxiety you bring.  Dear Abbie,  We found out so much about you health that we didn't know, but don't let it cause you fear. God is in control. He made your body and He will protect it. I am so proud of how much you have been learning. I also love spending so much time with you and teaching you.  Dear Elizabeth,  Thank you for sleeping through the night last night. You have been so needy and jealous of your big sister but it will be ok. I love you both th

As a child, I had two dreams of careers that I had wanted. The first one was to be a writer, I love the process of putting the pen to paper and letting the words flow from the tip of the pen onto the paper. I loved using my words to create an atmosphere and a mood. I loved pulling others into my world, into my head, and through the adventure of emotions. Like a roller coaster, I was able to pull others through the highs of excitement and down to the lowest darkest parts of myself. My second dream was to become a massage therapist. I began giving back massages to my father, uncles, and grandpa's. I had very strong hands, so strong that I actually bruised one of my uncles shoulders from the deep tissue massage... don't feel bad for him I had asked him to tell me if it began to hurt. In school I combined my two loves and wrote an essay about my love for massage therapy and won a scholarship. With the money I paid for classes in Reiki.  When I was in sixth grade I began to notic

Dear Friday,    I am so glad you are here again. When I see you, I feel like I have seen an old friend. I can let my hair down and relax. I can breath again and just enjoy the day. At the same time I realize our time together will not last forever. I have missed you. Sadly next time we see each other will be the end of summer. Today is a big day for us.  Dear Elizabeth,   Happy Birthday baby girl. I love you so much. One year ago today we got to meet you face to face. I am so proud of how much you are learning and how obedient you are becoming. Your personality is shining through. You are loving and yet so independent. I know that you think that you are five years old just because you have an amazing seven year old sister. I hope we can have a great day today. I love you so so much.   Dear Abbie,     I love you. I am so proud of what a wonderful big sister you are and have become. You are the best helper in the entire world. You help me with so much  around the house. You ar

Dreams come in so many different shapes and sizes. A couple years ago my daughter Abigaile created a dream of her own, a dream to be a big sister. She was four years old and she was ready to be a big sister. We had tried to explain to her that we might not be able to since I had a lot of health issues at the time and because we had been trying for a few years. Dreams move us to believe when others don't. As we were walking through Walmart, a little onsie had caught her eye. She asked if we could purchase it. I told her that we couldn't afford to purchase it, especially because there would be no little body to fill it. She reached into her little pocket and pulled up a few wrinkled bills, change, candy wrappers, and lint. She looked at me again and said, "Can I buy it for my little brother or sister? I will give my money. That day she bought a onesie. We took it home, folded it up, and put it in a frame. I wrote the words, "Our dream" on the glass and wrote th

Distant... so distant. Trapped in my own head. Isolated... so isolated. Laying alone in my bed. Dear Hubby, I am so sorry. I don't know what is going on. I feel so disconnected. So overwhelmed by the day to day of life. Thank you so much for trying to make me happy. How sweet of you to run out just to get me a tea. I don't like feeling like this and hope to be back on my game soon. I just constantly feel exhausted. I wish I could stay in bed for a few days, but I know the world won't stop just because I did. I love you so much and am so thankful for you. Dear Eb, Baby, my poor baby. I wish I could take the pain of your teething away. I wish I could make you feel more comfortable. I know that you are trying to communicate as best as you can. I am sorry I can't just hold you while you scream. Please, get some rest and be a strong girl. Please, give mommy a break from the constant crying. Dear Abbie, I am sorry I have been so distracted. I have not forgotten a

Since I was up anyway, I decided to write a prompt from Mama Kat's writer's workshop.. The 6 best things about being an adult... 1. Not having to wait and eat all my dinner before eating my dessert. I once sat with my daughter at the table for dinner and I began to eat my dessert. She told me that I was supposed to wait until after I finished all my food. I said, "No dear, You have to eat dinner first. I did my time." She continued to tell me how unfair life was so I told her, "It ends up fair in the end. When you are grown up and a mommy you can eat dessert while your kids eat their dinners." She was pleased with my explanation.  I had told a friend of mine and she thought it was unfair of me to do this... I had to remind her of all the times the kids eat the lollipops, ice-cream, and other treats while we are left watching them.  2. Messy room... While I try to keep the living room straightened, I say try because it seems to be impossi