Entering the Next Chapter

Over seven years ago, I began writing this blog. I have had many times when I paused for a bit and picked it back up later. Writing has always been a way for me to process my thoughts and feelings. Just as I have changed a lot over the last seven years, so shall this blog. The heart of it will remain the same though.  What is the heart of the blog? Life sucks... things happen... it is not easy and it never will be. God is still faithful. God is still worthy of glory and honor. I tend to not sugar coat things, so if that is your preference you might want to look elsewhere.  I am entering a new chapter. This chapter is one I never ever imagined I would be entering, the life of a single mother of three and soon to be a divorcee. I am 34 years old, living back home with my parents and daughters, trying to get my footing. It sucks.... like a dagger into your heart, bleeding out on the floor trying to call out for help but only able to get out silent screams as the world just continues o

It isn't very often that my husband becomes concerned about me, but recently he was asking me about my blogging. I told him I haven't written anything in a while and he was concerned. It is not like me to not want to communicate, write, and process things openly. He has been telling me that I need to write a blog post and has even been trying to give me ideas, which slightly annoyed and confused me since he doesn't even read my writings.  I have battled depression and anxiety since I was in high school. One of my first signs of slipping into it is when I become withdrawn... isolated.. and tired. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel depressed, but I do know that these are warning signs. The best way I have controlled my anxiety and depression is by being proactive. When I feel like isolating, I make myself get out. When I feel like sleeping all the time, I make myself wake up on a schedule. Things like this, along with recognizing my warning signs have made a huge diff

I decided to take Abbie to the bookstore a little over a week ago, on Friday September 21st. I was in hope of finding some book series that I could get her to read that would spark a love of reading. I naturally do not have a love for reading but rather lothe it.  When I was growing up I had several issues with reading and never truly felt sucked into a book like I would hear other describe. The star wars book were a huge solution to my parents struggle to get my oldest brother to read. He founds something he connected with and had a passion for. I want that for Abbie. We picked her up a book about a mermaid. We have yet to start it due to the chapter books she has to read for school. I am hoping to get back into the rhythm of things at home. I also decided that it is important for her to see me reading more, if I want her to read. I love reading the Bible and get so much from it but if faking a passion for reading would help her it is worth it. It might also teach me more discipline.

Since I was up anyway, I decided to write a prompt from Mama Kat's writer's workshop.. The 6 best things about being an adult... 1. Not having to wait and eat all my dinner before eating my dessert. I once sat with my daughter at the table for dinner and I began to eat my dessert. She told me that I was supposed to wait until after I finished all my food. I said, "No dear, You have to eat dinner first. I did my time." She continued to tell me how unfair life was so I told her, "It ends up fair in the end. When you are grown up and a mommy you can eat dessert while your kids eat their dinners." She was pleased with my explanation.  I had told a friend of mine and she thought it was unfair of me to do this... I had to remind her of all the times the kids eat the lollipops, ice-cream, and other treats while we are left watching them.  2. Messy room... While I try to keep the living room straightened, I say try because it seems to be impossi

Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now. When i was a child my whole family dynamic was so different from now. I was extremely close to my dad. I hated my mom. I followed my brothers around and wanted to hang out with their friends.  Now, my mom is one of my best friends. My dad and I are close but we are in that phase where he is going from just my dad to being more of a friend. I also barely see or speak to my brothers even though we all live within twenty minutes of each other.  If speaking about my husband we are very much our roles as we were in childhood. He was the oldest son and I was the baby girl. Sometimes he will act like the older brother by not letting me play the video game and trying to do it for me. Then I will fall into my little sister personality and get mad. I will get very competative and when all else fails I will threaten to tell one of the moms. It happens so fast and so naturally that when we realize that we are acting

As a woman I think one of the most difficult things to deal with is not a particular situation, but rather the lack of control in a situation. There is a small comfort in having control over things in my life. There is a false sense of stability.  Things I like to have control over: My children, my household, my finances, my friendships, my vehicle, and my spouse. I have this irrational fear. I fear that once I lose control of one thing, everything else will fall apart. I often wonder if God allows certain things to happen in order to show me that He is in control.  This may seem a little off subject but hang in with me and you will quickly see where I am going with this.  I opened up the church bulletin and a disappointment set in. I saw that the sermon was focused on a woman's responsibilities in marriage. It may sound bad but to be honest, I didn't want to be convicted. I didn't want for anyone, including God to correct what I am currently doing as a spouse. What s

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years? This one is kinda tough for me. I am not sure how into it I will go. My life has never gone the way I thought it would. This is not a bad thing, it is actually quite the opposite. For example, I am going to flip this around. 15 yrs ago I was 12. I remember feeling so proud to be a "preteen" and thinking I was so grown. I was sure that I would be a massage therapist. I wanted to also be a singer to raise money for my Special Education class. I had thought that I would be living back in Ohio.  This was before I began having my chronic pains through out my body. 10 years ago I was 17. I had thought that I would have gone far away to college. I wanted to be a sign interpreter for a Christian school. I loved kids but had no direct interest in having any. I also didn't want any man to tell me what to do or to hold me down.  This was before I met my now hubby and just two year prior to becoming pregnant.