Entering the Next Chapter

Take a moment to look at this angle chart below: Many women have found that when taking a selfie the most flattering angle tends to be between 30 ° and 60 ° (also between 120 ° and 150 °. This angle lessens the dreaded double chin, slims the figure, and makes all the difference in the world. It seems like such a silly little thing, but it is a big deal. Many of us already struggle to like or even to just tolerate our bodies, especially in reflections and pictures. We notice every little imperfection. We see the rolls, the pimples, the shape of our nose, and so many other things. So if that little difference in an angle changes how we feel about ourselves even in a tiny way, we do it.  I was looking through the pictures on my phone when I came upon two pictures that I hate! I found them absolutely embarrassing and horrifying to look at. I went to delete them when I came upon a couple realizations.    My first realization:   Charlie took these pictures and they are her art

The next two weeks are going to be especially painful for me. I am preparing my heart ahead and have been forcing myself to dig into scripture. I say forcing myself because the last few years I have been so thirsty for the word so much so that reading and praying were easy. With these trials, though, I have found myself pushing away from God. Reading Gods word and praying bring pain to my flesh and heart because I am angry with God. So I am forcing myself to do what is right and obey, even if my flesh cries out.  One year ago today, I was driving to Colorado with my girls. It was stressful and overwhelming but I was excited to enter a new chapter of my life. I could feel my heart break as we got further and further from my friends and family.  One year ago today, the thought of my hubby brought a smile to my face instead of tears to my eyes. Even after 14 years my heart still fluttered. He was my best friend and my love. I felt like what we had was unbreakable, but I was blissfully

There are so many times that I wish I could just get a moment of peace and quiet. Mom....mom...moooommmmm..... There are times when I can not even hear my inner dialogue over the sound of two siblings bickering, a teenager blaring her music, the sound of the dog barking at the invisible threat. Mom....mom...moooommmmm..... The sound of the chips being spilled all over the kitchen floor and then the horrible sound of them being stepped on by little feet instead of being picked up. Mom....mom...moooommmmm..... There are days when I literally hide in my car to just have the moment of peace and quiet. There are days when all I want is quiet.  Then there are days like today. Days when my babies are at their father's house and it feels like a part of me has gone with them. It feels as if I took a deep breath when they walked out the door and I will not be able to breathe again until they return. Today I have the quiet... but I still do not have the peace. The quiet is eerie and encompa

I let myself cry last night. I hate crying. When I cry I feel weak and embarrassed. I feel as if I am not holding it together. I feel broken. I especially hate crying in front of my children. I don't want to break their spirits or concern them. I don't want them to see mommy out of control. When I cry in front of them I feel as if I am failing to show them God's light, love, and hope. I tell them all the time that it is ok to cry. I tell them that it is ok to feel overwhelmed. I tell them that I love them and I pray with them, but when it comes to myself I act differently. If the person in this situation was a friend of mine or just a stranger, I would love them and support them. I don't allow myself the same grace.  Let me give you a little background on what lead to this crash and burn. Our van is in the shop until next week. My loving parents are going to cover the cost; it is a huge blessing but I feel an overwhelming amount of guilt. I feel unworthy of them

I remember the days that my daughter would return from school with little notes to all of the parents. The reminder was that we should be spending at least 15 minutes a night reading to our child. While many mothers saw this as a kind honorable reminder I saw it as a personal attack for a few reasons. The first reason was that I already knew the importance of reading to my child. I see the signs, hear the PSAs, and am even reminded by doctors and teachers. This was not a new concept to me. The second reason was because the note made it seem like they were saying, "it's only fifteen minutes of your day, isn't your child worth it?" It wasn't only  fifteen minutes a day, to me it was FIFTEEN MINUTES a day. The final reason was because the picture of a mother happily and lovingly looking over her child's shoulder as he sat quietly and peacefully in her lap was in no way my reality. So today I thought I would put a new spin on things and tell you why I hate to

Dear Friday,  This week has been amazing. I am glad you are here and feel like time will go much faster.  Dear Abbie,  I am so proud of you. You have done amazing at school this week. I had so much fun homeschooling. I don't know why I was so nervous. You are an amazing big sister. I love watching you cuddle with Elizabeth. She is so lucky to have you.  Dear Weather,  Wow... all I can say is thank you. It has been so much nicer outside. It gets warm but I can't complain about it. I was told that we were done with the triple digits.  Dear Sonlight Curriculum,  You are amazing. It is so complete and well organized. I am also glad that you discuss God in each subject.  Dear House,  I told you I would take care of you. I have kept you in order for a couple weeks now. I still need to attack the basement but still I am so proud to show you off now.  Dear Eb,  I think it is so sweet that you are starting to say "Thank you" and "Bless y

Dreams come in so many different shapes and sizes. A couple years ago my daughter Abigaile created a dream of her own, a dream to be a big sister. She was four years old and she was ready to be a big sister. We had tried to explain to her that we might not be able to since I had a lot of health issues at the time and because we had been trying for a few years. Dreams move us to believe when others don't. As we were walking through Walmart, a little onsie had caught her eye. She asked if we could purchase it. I told her that we couldn't afford to purchase it, especially because there would be no little body to fill it. She reached into her little pocket and pulled up a few wrinkled bills, change, candy wrappers, and lint. She looked at me again and said, "Can I buy it for my little brother or sister? I will give my money. That day she bought a onesie. We took it home, folded it up, and put it in a frame. I wrote the words, "Our dream" on the glass and wrote th

I have several things that turn me off. But the two biggest ones would have to be my daughters. There is nothing like the fear that strikes when you hear little foot steps coming down the hallway or the guilt you feel upon hearing little cries for your attention while doing "laundry" (as my friend calls it).  What are your biggest turn-offs? 

What is the thing you most wish you were great at? I wish I was great at emotionally separating myself from situations when it comes to disciplining my children. I see my mom handle it with such grace, peace, love, and dignity. She is able to correct and discuss without becoming emotionally involved. She would spank us and not be angry at our actions. Maybe she was just better at hiding her frustrations, maybe we just pushed her to her breaking point, or maybe she just has this way of handling things.  Sometimes I get angry, frustrated, tired, annoyed, and disappointed. I try to hide my feelings and handle things with grace but I know that sometime I can be transparent.  Do you get angry or feel like you would lose your cool with your child?                                                                        What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive? Wow, this one cuts deep doesn't it... If I told the most difficult thing I have ever had to for

Describe  10  5 pet peeves you have: 1. The sound and feel of Styrofoam. I consider Styrofoam to be my Kryptonite. It makes this sound that gives me chills.  2. Lies. I hate it when someone, especially my child lies to me. Most of the time I can tell that she is lying and I don't like people treating me like I am an idiot. I am also a pretty forgiving and loving person. I tell Abbie that she will get in much less trouble if she tells me the truth. I might still get mad but not nearly as much as when she lies.  3. People who don't have phone etiquette. Talking on the phone in a public restroom or talking to me on the phone when they are in any bathroom. Children interrupting and trying to ask me things when I am on the phone. Opening and ending conversations without any greeting or warning. Answering the phone and texting while driving. Talking on their phone or texting when you are in the middle of a conversation with them. I don't have an issue with people