Barbwire
Going through a divorce is a painful experience in itself. There are also hidden barbs that prick and tear open your heart. They are things that a person would not consider to be something that would cause pain. Strung together they make an emotional barbwire.
One barb that tends to get me is pronouns. After being married for my entire adult life, I tend to use the term "we" instead of "I". I am so used to being part of a unit that my pronouns automatically became plural... and now that I am no longer part of a couple, I struggle to remember the correct pronoun. Each time it catches me off guard, I freeze, correct myself, then the barb catches. This is especially the case in the context of speaking about my girls.
My daughter, Elizabeth, was supposed to have an eye appointment this week. It would give information on what "we" should do to help her vision. The "we" caught me off guard. I have been separated since October, and yet I still struggle with this particular barb.
When messaging with my friend, I realized that there still can be a "we".... not when it comes to my spouse and me, but in my family and friends. I have been so blessed with an amazing support system. "We", the support system and I, will find out what to do to help Elizabeth's vision. "We" can also mean God and I, even though most of the effort is on God's side.
When those barbs come up, I have learned that ignoring them doesn't help as much. I need to see them as what they are, a painful part of the healing process. I need to breathe through the pain. Then I need to reframe the barb around the truth.
Psalm 9:12
God remembers those who suffer;
he does not forget their cry,
and he punishes those who wrong them.
One barb that tends to get me is pronouns. After being married for my entire adult life, I tend to use the term "we" instead of "I". I am so used to being part of a unit that my pronouns automatically became plural... and now that I am no longer part of a couple, I struggle to remember the correct pronoun. Each time it catches me off guard, I freeze, correct myself, then the barb catches. This is especially the case in the context of speaking about my girls.
My daughter, Elizabeth, was supposed to have an eye appointment this week. It would give information on what "we" should do to help her vision. The "we" caught me off guard. I have been separated since October, and yet I still struggle with this particular barb.
When messaging with my friend, I realized that there still can be a "we".... not when it comes to my spouse and me, but in my family and friends. I have been so blessed with an amazing support system. "We", the support system and I, will find out what to do to help Elizabeth's vision. "We" can also mean God and I, even though most of the effort is on God's side.
When those barbs come up, I have learned that ignoring them doesn't help as much. I need to see them as what they are, a painful part of the healing process. I need to breathe through the pain. Then I need to reframe the barb around the truth.
Psalm 9:12
God remembers those who suffer;
he does not forget their cry,
and he punishes those who wrong them.
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