Scars

Merriam-Webster defines a scar as: 1: a mark left (as in the skin) by the healing of injured tissue 2: a lasting emotional injury 

I had spent so many years hiding my scars. Trying to not allow anyone to see them or know that they exist. My scars were embarrassing and would bring me back to the emotional state I was in at the time of receiving them. Almost all of my scars were a direct result of my rebellion and lostness before finding God and placing him as my healer, savior, and my father. Recently I have found that as I grow closer to God, I am able to show my scars. God has taken them and has shown others, with similar scars, love and healing. Instead of feeling embarrassed I feel humbled by how great God is to take me from my broken self to who He wants me to be. I am sure I still have a long way and more scars that will occur but I know that I am cared for. The potter knows how I need to be broken so that He can chip away my impurities to create a vessel that can bring Him glory.

I heard this song on the radio and it so spoke to where I am right now. "So praise God we don't have to hide scars Yeah we know his are covering ours Praise God we don't have to hide scars They just strengthen our wounds and they soften our hearts They remind us of who we have been, but not who we are So Praise God we don't have to hide scars." -Jonny Diaz, Scars

 I love this passage. Paul knew where he had come from and he knew his downfalls but was able to use them to boast on God's goodness. 

 1 Corinthians 1:26-31 " Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not —to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.” 

So what has God done for me? When God says He makes you into a new creation He really does. My old self is nothing like what I am today. 

I had physical scars. I probably have scars on my liver from drinking and trying to over dose on medicines. I probably have scars on my lungs from smoking. I have scars in the form of stretch marks from gaining weight rapidly in High School. I have faded scars on my arms and a few on my thighs from where I used to cut myself when I didn't know how to give God my pain. I have scars from scratching myself when I was in the mental ward for my depression and had no other sharp object to use on myself. I have other stretch marks from becoming pregnant my senior year of High School. 

 I have emotional scars from being in dangerous and unhealthy relationships. Some scars are from remembering how terrible of a mother I was when Abbie was young. I had not control of my emotions or of the household. The house was so messy that we had bugs and mice. I chose to go out and drink with friends and not be with Abbie. I have scars from being diagnosed with schizoaffective bipolar disorder and ADHD. I have emotional scars from when I hurt and betrayed my marriage. God has been so good to me. He sent His Son to die and receive scars that would cover mine. He has healed me from all my wounds but the scars still remain. I am thankful for my scars because they remind me of where I was and where I am going. 

 Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

  I will boast in the Lord because I could have not done anything good on my own. He has taught me self-control. He has taught me how to be a loving and caring wife and mother. Mostly He has given me peace. If you are at a place where you feel like your scars or open wounds are too much, seek God. Seek His word, His promises, and His love. Like a loving parent if you run to Him, He will lift you up, embrase you, help heal you, and set you back on the right path. Allow Him to bring others peace and love through your honesty. One of the coolest feeling is watching God use your scars to bring Him glory. 

 Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose."