Making Good Impressions
As my husband sets down the phone my anxieties rise. I know what he is about to say and I know that there is not much time, or is there? My heart starts pounding and I start to contemplate all that needs to be done. Then he says it, "My dad is coming over and will be here in 30 mins to and hour." Ugh, the In-laws.
Let me explain myself. My husbands parents are divorced and have been since he was a little boy. His father was remarried and now has five more children. His mother has three boys with his father and one after the divorce. I love my In-laws very much and enjoy spending time with them, the only part I don't like is the In-law part. I feel this enormous pressure to please and impress my In-laws. The pressure isn't assisted any by my husbands distance from them. He isn't as close with his parents as I am with mine or as I would like him to be. I so want them to feel welcome and at home with me and in my home. My husband really doesn't understand this concept. He always gets made when I make a mad dash around the house to clean.
I know what each of them likes and I try to use their likes to make them feel welcome. When my MIL, Mother in law, comes over I turn on Whitney Huston or Celine Dion; she is a little easier to please. For my FIL I bake. A few years ago, when he came to the house, I was baking a cake. He mentioned how lucky Alvin was to have someone who makes delicious food for him and how it reminded him of how his moms house used to smell. Ever since I try to bake something when he comes over. I like to have something that makes him feel relaxed and happy when everything seems to be crazy.
My mom always had a way of making people feel at home in her home. When my aunt would come over, my mom would have her favorite candy. When a friend would come over, my mom would have their favorite game out. I always saw it as an amazing gift of love.
1 John 4:7 "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."
Last night things became a little more difficult when my hubby threw me a curve ball. When the FIL was here, my hubby decided to give something, that was given to me from my dad, to one of his little sisters. He told my FIL that I had said it was ok and that I haven't used it in a long time. I was trying so hard to be self-controlled and to not flip out and make my FIL uncomfortable. When I had a moment alone with my hubby, I tried to explain the position he put me in. How much the item meant to me and how it wasn't fair for him to give away something of mine when I am not even allowed to touch anything of his. I tried to encourage him to give away his item that he doesn't use either but he refused.
I don't know if I was more angry at his actual actions or if I was more mad at the fact that I was blind-sided and embarrassed. I am trying to learn how to let it go. I know that no item is worth the separation from my husband. I also know that I need to show my husband love just as much as I need to show his family.
1 Peter 3:1-6 "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."
I love writing. I started this blog angry and stressed and now I feel refreshed and clear headed. Thank you for listening to my ramblings.
How do you feel around your In-laws? Do you clean up, like a mad woman, before company? How do you handle anger?
Let me explain myself. My husbands parents are divorced and have been since he was a little boy. His father was remarried and now has five more children. His mother has three boys with his father and one after the divorce. I love my In-laws very much and enjoy spending time with them, the only part I don't like is the In-law part. I feel this enormous pressure to please and impress my In-laws. The pressure isn't assisted any by my husbands distance from them. He isn't as close with his parents as I am with mine or as I would like him to be. I so want them to feel welcome and at home with me and in my home. My husband really doesn't understand this concept. He always gets made when I make a mad dash around the house to clean.
I know what each of them likes and I try to use their likes to make them feel welcome. When my MIL, Mother in law, comes over I turn on Whitney Huston or Celine Dion; she is a little easier to please. For my FIL I bake. A few years ago, when he came to the house, I was baking a cake. He mentioned how lucky Alvin was to have someone who makes delicious food for him and how it reminded him of how his moms house used to smell. Ever since I try to bake something when he comes over. I like to have something that makes him feel relaxed and happy when everything seems to be crazy.
My mom always had a way of making people feel at home in her home. When my aunt would come over, my mom would have her favorite candy. When a friend would come over, my mom would have their favorite game out. I always saw it as an amazing gift of love.
1 John 4:7 "Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God."
Last night things became a little more difficult when my hubby threw me a curve ball. When the FIL was here, my hubby decided to give something, that was given to me from my dad, to one of his little sisters. He told my FIL that I had said it was ok and that I haven't used it in a long time. I was trying so hard to be self-controlled and to not flip out and make my FIL uncomfortable. When I had a moment alone with my hubby, I tried to explain the position he put me in. How much the item meant to me and how it wasn't fair for him to give away something of mine when I am not even allowed to touch anything of his. I tried to encourage him to give away his item that he doesn't use either but he refused.
I don't know if I was more angry at his actual actions or if I was more mad at the fact that I was blind-sided and embarrassed. I am trying to learn how to let it go. I know that no item is worth the separation from my husband. I also know that I need to show my husband love just as much as I need to show his family.
1 Peter 3:1-6 "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."
I love writing. I started this blog angry and stressed and now I feel refreshed and clear headed. Thank you for listening to my ramblings.
How do you feel around your In-laws? Do you clean up, like a mad woman, before company? How do you handle anger?
I'm sorry he did that to you. Can you tell your fil what he did and get it back? I think God does want us to love our husbands but our husbands need to love and respect us too and that means not giving our stuff away without asking us.
ReplyDeleteAs for my in-laws I have never met my fil and my husband's bio mom we have not talked to in almost 11 years and dh's step mom we haven't seen in 7 years. (((hugs)))
Sometimes I have to remind myself to submit to my husband by accepting his decisions, and doing so in love, even when I want to clobber him with something heavy.. How I feel is nothing I can do anything about but how I act is what is important..
ReplyDeleteSometimes we are asked to give until it hurts and to do so with a cheerful spirit..
Good for you for going past your feelings and searching scripture instead!