God did not abandon me
I write this with a heavy heart. Almost a half a year ago now I was blindsided. I heard news that left my life in shambles. I found out that we were going to relocate away from our friends and family. While this terrified me, I rested in the peace of knowing that my marriage was in a good place. We were rock solid and could face anything. Little did I know that the ground under my marriage was deteriorating quickly. A few days after moving I discovered that my best friend and prince was done with me and with God. Unbeknownst to me, he had been pushing God away and seeking comfort in another woman.
I am thankful that God brought it to light, but it hurt. Slowly over several month of trying to fight for my marriage, I began to see how deep and dark things really were. I came to a point where I did not recognize the man my husband had become. Yet, God gave me the strength to fight for my family and marriage. Slowly more truths were exposed. I had thought that I wasn’t alone in fighting, but my spouse made plans to leave our family. He continues to try to fill an emotional void in the wrong ways and is quickly falling towards rock bottom.
As he seemed to run farther away from God, I couldn’t help but notice how close God had remained to me. God never, not once, left me. He made a way before me to provide for my girls and I. He opened the hearts and home of a lovely family who took us four girls in for more than a month. He provided transportation to and from my job. He provided a place to work and for the girls to go to school where we had support and love. God provided classes for me to learn how to become financial responsible and gave me accountability and love through my extended church family. Now God has brought the girls and I back home with my parents.
While I can not put into words the depth of pain and heartache I have from the brokenness in my almost 15 year marriage, I also can not fully express how full my heart is. God is so good and we have seen love through His people.
My heart is heavy or the darkness and discontentment in my spouse. I pray that he turns back to God. That God would do a great work in his life and in his future. I pray that God bring reconciliation to the relationships between my girls and their daddy. I know God can do great things and have seen it before first hand, if only we give Him control.
I will try to dig deeper into God and laying my pain before his throne. I have to rediscover my identity in Him, as I am in new territory.
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
Psalms 139:14 ESV
“This God—his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.”
Psalms 18:30 ESV
I am thankful that God brought it to light, but it hurt. Slowly over several month of trying to fight for my marriage, I began to see how deep and dark things really were. I came to a point where I did not recognize the man my husband had become. Yet, God gave me the strength to fight for my family and marriage. Slowly more truths were exposed. I had thought that I wasn’t alone in fighting, but my spouse made plans to leave our family. He continues to try to fill an emotional void in the wrong ways and is quickly falling towards rock bottom.
As he seemed to run farther away from God, I couldn’t help but notice how close God had remained to me. God never, not once, left me. He made a way before me to provide for my girls and I. He opened the hearts and home of a lovely family who took us four girls in for more than a month. He provided transportation to and from my job. He provided a place to work and for the girls to go to school where we had support and love. God provided classes for me to learn how to become financial responsible and gave me accountability and love through my extended church family. Now God has brought the girls and I back home with my parents.
While I can not put into words the depth of pain and heartache I have from the brokenness in my almost 15 year marriage, I also can not fully express how full my heart is. God is so good and we have seen love through His people.
My heart is heavy or the darkness and discontentment in my spouse. I pray that he turns back to God. That God would do a great work in his life and in his future. I pray that God bring reconciliation to the relationships between my girls and their daddy. I know God can do great things and have seen it before first hand, if only we give Him control.
I will try to dig deeper into God and laying my pain before his throne. I have to rediscover my identity in Him, as I am in new territory.
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”
Psalms 139:14 ESV
“This God—his way is perfect; the word of the Lord proves true; he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.”
Psalms 18:30 ESV
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