The Recycled Christian
With Earth Day coming up in just a little over a week, it got me thinking about recycling. Merriam-Webster defines recycle as, "to make something new from (something that has been used before)."
God recycles.
God has taken something old, broken, and used, and turned it into something new... me.
I am a Recycled Christian.
When accepting Christ, the Son of God, we are made into a new creation. 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"
What wonderful news for us. We are no longer bound to our old destructive broken sinful selves. God has taken us and remolded us.
I often like to say that I am barely even a reflection of my old self. Yes, I still have the same bright red hair and the same smile but other than my physical appearance I am in no way the same person I was even ten years ago.
Ten years ago to this day I was a lost and immature girl. I lashed out and hurt my friends, family, and myself. I couldn't go a single minute without thinking suicidal thoughts or thoughts of self harm. I would go out and try to self medicate with alcohol. My language was almost as foul as my attitude. My daughter who was only one at the time, lived in filth. I was constantly sabotaging my marriage and trying to push my husband away. I almost lost him when I made the selfish choice of turning to another man out of anger. I acted happy often for those who weren't close to me but it was a very superficial mask that I wore to keep people at arms length. I knew of God from being raised in a Christian home but I had not given Christ the authority over my life to be my Lord. I was willing to have Him as savior as long as I didn't have to change my ways. I had severe mood swings and would often go without sleep. I had no interest in learning or growing as a person because I didn't even think I would be around for long enough to do anything, and if I had tried I was sure I would have failed. I was institutionalized so many times I had lost count. I was on and off so many medications I felt like I lived in a fog of numbness, so I would go off them and be thrown into an out of control state. My family feared that I wouldn't survive through the year. I was old, broken, and used. I lived in a state of trying to survive the day, hour, minute, even moment. This was me at my lowest. It was the moment when I cried out to God.
While the only words I could mutter were, "God, I can't. You have to." those words embodied all of my anguish. God, I can't be the mother Abbie deserves, you have to help me. God, I can't be the wife my husband needs, you have to change me. God I can't stop thinking about ways to kill myself, You have to take them from me and give me strength. God, I can't do this on my own, You have to carry me. God I am so scared because I can't even trust myself, You have to teach me to trust you. Those words were from the depths of my soul. I cried out from the deep pit of depression and loneliness, praying that He could pull me out of it.
That is when God recycled me. It wasn't all immediate. I struggled with my thoughts for months, but each thought I turned over to God. Even as God began to take away the thoughts of suicide and self harm, I still questioned every thought in my head. I would constantly wonder was this me, was it my bipolar, or was it God? Even simple things such as small purchases, because before I was extremely impulsive. I found support in the very person I caused so much pain and heartache, my mom. She became my sounding board for years, as I would ask her when things came up.
As I came closer to the Lord and was becoming this new creation, I became further from my spouse. The sins of my past had left deep scars in him and he had to face God in his own way. I prayed for years for him and often lost faith in God's ability, although God showed me over and over that He was in control. Several years later my love had been changed by the hand of God. I was blessed to see God do great things in his life and how God mended our marriage making it stronger than ever before. God not only recycled us as individuals, but also our marriage.
I often like to say that I am barely even a reflection of my old self. None of it was through my own power or ability. It was all through God's mercy, power, and love. I am so thankful for the person He has created me to be, and I know that I am no where near done. I look forward to seeing the transformations He does in the next ten years.
If God had not saved me I would be in the landfill. Instead He recycled me.
Would you rather be recycled or end up in a landfill?
How has God recycled you?
God recycles.
God has taken something old, broken, and used, and turned it into something new... me.
I am a Recycled Christian.
When accepting Christ, the Son of God, we are made into a new creation. 2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"
What wonderful news for us. We are no longer bound to our old destructive broken sinful selves. God has taken us and remolded us.
I often like to say that I am barely even a reflection of my old self. Yes, I still have the same bright red hair and the same smile but other than my physical appearance I am in no way the same person I was even ten years ago.
Ten years ago to this day I was a lost and immature girl. I lashed out and hurt my friends, family, and myself. I couldn't go a single minute without thinking suicidal thoughts or thoughts of self harm. I would go out and try to self medicate with alcohol. My language was almost as foul as my attitude. My daughter who was only one at the time, lived in filth. I was constantly sabotaging my marriage and trying to push my husband away. I almost lost him when I made the selfish choice of turning to another man out of anger. I acted happy often for those who weren't close to me but it was a very superficial mask that I wore to keep people at arms length. I knew of God from being raised in a Christian home but I had not given Christ the authority over my life to be my Lord. I was willing to have Him as savior as long as I didn't have to change my ways. I had severe mood swings and would often go without sleep. I had no interest in learning or growing as a person because I didn't even think I would be around for long enough to do anything, and if I had tried I was sure I would have failed. I was institutionalized so many times I had lost count. I was on and off so many medications I felt like I lived in a fog of numbness, so I would go off them and be thrown into an out of control state. My family feared that I wouldn't survive through the year. I was old, broken, and used. I lived in a state of trying to survive the day, hour, minute, even moment. This was me at my lowest. It was the moment when I cried out to God.
While the only words I could mutter were, "God, I can't. You have to." those words embodied all of my anguish. God, I can't be the mother Abbie deserves, you have to help me. God, I can't be the wife my husband needs, you have to change me. God I can't stop thinking about ways to kill myself, You have to take them from me and give me strength. God, I can't do this on my own, You have to carry me. God I am so scared because I can't even trust myself, You have to teach me to trust you. Those words were from the depths of my soul. I cried out from the deep pit of depression and loneliness, praying that He could pull me out of it.
That is when God recycled me. It wasn't all immediate. I struggled with my thoughts for months, but each thought I turned over to God. Even as God began to take away the thoughts of suicide and self harm, I still questioned every thought in my head. I would constantly wonder was this me, was it my bipolar, or was it God? Even simple things such as small purchases, because before I was extremely impulsive. I found support in the very person I caused so much pain and heartache, my mom. She became my sounding board for years, as I would ask her when things came up.
As I came closer to the Lord and was becoming this new creation, I became further from my spouse. The sins of my past had left deep scars in him and he had to face God in his own way. I prayed for years for him and often lost faith in God's ability, although God showed me over and over that He was in control. Several years later my love had been changed by the hand of God. I was blessed to see God do great things in his life and how God mended our marriage making it stronger than ever before. God not only recycled us as individuals, but also our marriage.
I often like to say that I am barely even a reflection of my old self. None of it was through my own power or ability. It was all through God's mercy, power, and love. I am so thankful for the person He has created me to be, and I know that I am no where near done. I look forward to seeing the transformations He does in the next ten years.
If God had not saved me I would be in the landfill. Instead He recycled me.
Would you rather be recycled or end up in a landfill?
How has God recycled you?
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