Getting to the Why (How to ignite your child's passion)

I find that far too often I am quick to get frustrated and impatient with my girls. I already feel as if I am struggling to just maintain some sense of normalcy in our lives and in the home. The waves of constant turmoil crash down on me over and over. I begin to glug on them and I feel as if I am being pulled down. Car won't start... crash. A child has a fever.... splash. Electric bill is higher than the prior month... crash. Getting behind in school... splash. The ever-expanding pile of dirty clothes... crash. Personal health... splash. Child acting up... crash. Personal health struggles... splash. 

I feel things begin to pull me deeper and deeper into the waters. I struggle to catch my breath. 

Then one of my girls does something that at that moment in that space seems to only add to the chaos. They do not do it out of rebellion or with ill intent, but at that moment it feels like a personal attack. It feels purposeful and frustrating. I am unable to see it from their perspective. To me, they are throwing stones into the water directly in front of my face causing the water to splash up even more. From their view, they are just skipping rocks across the waters completely oblivious. At that moment it is hard to be patient. At that moment it is hard to not lash out. At that moment it feels (please excuse the term) damn near impossible hear them and to find the "why". 

Charlotte, our 4-year-old, was sitting with me in a crowded restaurant with me waiting for our to-go order. As she sat on the tall wooden bar chair her she fidgeted, spinning her chair side to side and touching everything within her view. It had already been a long day... week... month... it had just been a long. While I didn't mind her constant chatter and her movements, I felt this increase in awareness of all of those around us. She began climbing up and down from the chair, almost bumping into a waitress. I asked her to sit back down. Again she climbed up and down the chair unable to stay on it. I began to become frustrated and a bit embarrassed. I tried to explain why she is not able to get down from her chair and how we need to be respectful and stay out of the way of the hardworking waitress. Again she spun back and forth and then climbed down the chair. I gave her a stern look, sighed a large sigh, and told her to just "sit down and wait". Charlie said she wanted to see what was under her chair. I immediately imagined the old gum stuck onto the bottom of the barstool like barnacles stuck to the bottom of a ship. "No, you don't need to touch or see under your chair. It is probably just a bunch of old gum." I was done. Our 10-minute outing to pick up to-go had already worn me out. 

(I should note that I have been trying to intentionally ask my girls "why" when they are doing something that causes me frustration.) That being said... I took a deep breath, looked at Charlie, and asked her "why?"

"Charlie Brown, why do you want to look under your chair." She looked up at me and said, "I want to know what the things are that makes my chair do this" and she placed one cupped had above the bottom hand and began making a twisting motion side to side. She wasn't trying to be disobedient or fidgety, she wanted to see and understand the mechanics of how her rotating chair worked. I smiled and tried to explain as best as I could and then went on to explain why I needed her to not get down and how the layout of the restaurant could cause her to bump into someone and causing a mess. She smiled and sat still until our order came. 

I have really been struggling to find the balance with just surviving, teaching my girls to be considerate and respectful, teaching them to clean up after themselves, and taking the time to understand their perspective. 

How can I allow, better yet encourage, my girls to follow their passions when I am tired and worn? How can I focus their passions in a way that is more productive, so that I am not just constantly telling them no? 

Is my frustration and lack of patience going to limit their potential? 

To be honest, I don't know the answers to those questions, but for today I will try to ask them "why" more. 

I want to raise strong black women who follow their passion and feel they have limitless potential. I want to raise a writer, scientist, artist, teacher, an innovator. 

This is a great video about allowing kids to explore.